Blending families with adopted children
By Corrie Lynne Player
1-16-08

For the last 10 months, I’ve been working on my next book, “The Everything Parent’s Guide to Raising the Adopted Child.” The input from adoptive parents and adoptees has been amazing. The stories tug my heart and expand my soul, because so many of them reflect how I feel about my own three adopted children. And they illustrate what happens between adoptees and their parents.
Adopted children are like all children with the same needs for food, shelter, comfort, guidance, and abiding love. But they’re different, too, because of their genetic and prenatal history and their life experiences: some good and many bad. Older adopted children have endured losses, neglect, and often abuse that harms their very souls. They need special parents, parents who are willing to learn and understand the differences, yet to celebrate the inner strength and character that allowed such children to survive.
I want to share letter written by Cheryl Collins, one of the contributors, who adopted a baby boy and later an 11-year-old girl.
“I am Your Third Mother:
First you grew inside her warmth. Her body wrapped you tightly and kept you safe all those months of preparation. Her body fed you and breathed for you. Her body suffered with your weight. Her strength gave you life. She brought you into this world. But her love wasn’t enough to be all that you needed; she stepped aside to let the next take up where she could not go.
“And so, the next came to receive you into her love, knowing she could not keep you for long. She was the one who watched with joy as you smiled for the first time. It was her soft whisper you learned to trust and her face you wanted when weariness tugged at you. It was her arms you wanted to hold you, her songs your ears wanted to hear. But she knew from the first day it wouldn’t last. She loved you freely knowing there would be a cost of the heart.”
“When she learned of me, she rejoiced for you and, hurting, let you go. She watched learn to trust me, and when the time was right, she released you into my waiting arms. But she gave you a piece of her heart to carry with you throughout your life.
“And now, my sweet child, it is my turn. I am the third mother you’ve known. My heart has been ready for you and praying for you for three years, even before you were born. I will be here for as long as I am allowed. I will not leave you. I am your third mother; I am your mommy. I will work to gain your trust. I will earn respect from you. And I will share who you are, who you will become, and tell you who you have been.
“I will have the privilege of seeing you learn to talk, walk, and become a man. I am your mom. I am your third mother; you are my son.”
Cheryl wrote the next text for her 11-year-old daughter and gave it to her on their adoption day.
“A Part of Us.
“You were hers so many years. You were her child, her baby girl. You were there, breathing in the life you were handed. Surviving big moments and small ones.
“You carried a piece of our heart with you, unknown to you, unrevealed to us. But in the right moment, at the right time, God brought us together, and we knew.
“Your heart sang, ‘They are goofy like me.’
“Our hearts sang, ‘She is ours!’
“And in the Lord’s sweet time, you became a part of our US.”
Consider the following questions: How have you built your family through adoption? What specific things have you done to blend your biological and adopted children? What have been your greatest challenges? Your greatest joys?
Please share your adoption story, thought, or experience by emailing me at corrieplayer@hotmail.com or writing to the Sanpete Messenger.